I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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