hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
