Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
