Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
