i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
