I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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