I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
