my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
