Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
