I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
