well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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