New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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