Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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