Already got asked if we're dating
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
