I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
