I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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