I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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