yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize