I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
