I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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