I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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