It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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