I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
