is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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