I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
