dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize