The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
