she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
