If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
