I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
