I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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