i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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