So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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