you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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