oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize