Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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