do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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