I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
