forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
