he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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