Are we in a gay sports bar?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
