Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
