yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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