I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
