Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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