If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
