420 ftw
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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