so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
