life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
