I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
