I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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