There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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