He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
