I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
