I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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