remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He better not be in your backpack
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
