considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
