I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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