You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
