Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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