Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
