id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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