I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
