Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
