If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
