sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
