There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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