I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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