Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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