Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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