Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
