when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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