i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
