he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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