I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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