Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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