i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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