why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
