did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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