I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
