i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
