Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
