So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
