Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
