Screwed.edu
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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