My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
