I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
