nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
