Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
