Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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