I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
