mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
