My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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